Life Decisions

I've been having a bit of a tough time the last few days. I've really been stressed and tired, and today was the straw that broke the camel's back. As you might have guessed from my blog and twitter names,  I'm premed at Houston Baptist University. I've been questioning why since about the third week of school. It's not HBU that's the problem (I simply adore my fabulous school), it's me. I frankly suck at all things science and math. So, why, you might be asking, am I premed? Allow me to explain. When I was 14, I decided I need to pick a career so I could start planning for college. I thought I was way behind on the whole game because at 14, I had not yet taken the PSAT or SAT. I was insane. But that's beside the point. I decided that I would be a doctor (specifically an obstetrician-gynecologist), for a few reasons:

1) It was a job where I could help people every day.

2) I wouldn't be sitting at a desk all the time.

3) I would get to interact with people.

4) It was a financially stable job

5) It sounded really smart

Yes, the fifth one is a lame reason. But do you know what kind of looks people give a fourteen year old when she says she has a 35 year plan and knows exactly what she's going to do with her life? Very impressed. So I went with it. I decided to major in biology because I was getting an A in it in high school, and I thought surely in college we wouldn't bother with plants and cells, we'd jump straight to diseases and anatomy.

Reality check four years later: I hate science. 

Further reality check: I really hate plants.

I'm pulling low A's and B's in biology, and low A's in precal. But I'm not interested in anything that's happening. I go to pre-health meetings, and I'm bored. My fear of cutting open a cadaver grows worse. In one of those pre-health meetings, we are told a story of a girl whose reasons to be a doctor were eerily similar to mine. She walked into her first cadaver class in medical school and fainted. A week later, she dropped out of medical school.

I don't want to be that person. I don't think I would actually make it that far any way. So I've decided to pursue a different path.

I'm going to change my major to Business Management and Political Science. My goal is to begin my career by working on political campaigns, before running for office myself. Eventually, I hope to achieve a high office, such as Governor of Texas or President. 

I'm going to pray about it more, but I believe this is what God is calling me to do. He has put so many great opportunities in my life that point towards the political/business field. For instance, I have interned at my uncle's law office for a total of six months. I participated in Youth and Government, where I was blessed enough to be placed in the Senate my senior year. I have taken three government courses now. In one of these courses, I learned how to write a thesis-based argument paper, where I argued that the decision in Roe vs. Wade was incorrect legally and constitutionally. I was able to for free participate in speech and debate programs throughout high school, where I learned the skills necessary for a career in a political/legal/business field. 

Also, I believe that God is telling me that I was not meant to be a doctor. I've been having nightmares about things such as cadaver dissection and the possibility of being legally forced to perform an abortion. In my biology test today, even though I studied a total of about 48 hours for it, I was unable to answer with confidence almost half of the questions. Science is clearly not one of my gifts. However, I have been told that I am a gifted public speaker, and that I have a talent for organization. I would really like to use these gifts to glorify God. 

I am going to think and pray about this a lot more before I make my final decision. I'm going to schedule a meeting with my Freshman Year Seminar professor (who is also a business professor, and the pre-law advisor, if I decide to go that route) and discuss it with him. I will also meet with my biology advisor, and explain my fears to her. Also, I'm going to talk it over with my parents, priest, and godparents. My brother's godfather has offered to give me a tour of his ob/gyn offices, so I'll do that before I make my decision. 

So, if next week there's a mass change of my internet user names, don't say you weren't warned :)

Lots of Love and please keep me in your prayers,

sCa